oh dear, how they'll whisper your name in time

Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we'll die.

2008-11-02T14:18:00.001-08:00

My commitment issues are evidenced by my inability to keep up with a blog, journal, or anything similar.

Discoveries as of late:

1. People don't ask enough questions.
2. I am included in the "people" mentioned above.
3. I can only write when it's not required which makes college essays quite difficult.

And I'm drowning in college applications and scholarship applications and college essays and audition requirements...and school work and memorizing monologues and FINDING monologues (which has proven itself more difficult than the memorizing which comes afterwards)...

There are a million options and no end in sight. Maybe actors are just pathological liars. Or maybe they're just empathetic people who never grew up. Or maybe they're something else all together. I'm still learning.

It's only life.

2008-01-14T13:24:00.000-08:00

I suppose it's just because everyone needs a little reminder of how beautiful life is.

1. Cheesy 90's pop. You will always remember the words.

2. Fair weather and fair skin.

3. Running barefoot through the grass.
4. Moments of solitude, moments where you lose your mind.

5. When the Wizard of Oz changes from black and white into color.

6. Long, floaty dresses that you can spin in.

7. The warmth of the sun on your face.

8. Movies that change your life.

9. I've Just Seen A Face by the Beatles.

10. Revelations and revolutions.

11. Circuses, zoos, cotton candy, and playgrounds.

12. Freedom. Open roads. Open windows. A summer breeze.

13. Transcendentalism, post-modernism, Walt Whitman, and the english language.

14. The Great Gatsby. Daisy. Fitzgerald. The search for symbolism.

15. Being on stage and all that it entails.

16. "And I am a creature, and I am surviving." BREATHING, LIVING, BEING.

Oh heavenly day, all the clouds blew away.

2008-01-02T15:05:00.000-08:00

We walked. We bundled ourselves up in blankets and coats, hats and scarves, and we just walked. The sun was just beginning to rise, and we could all see the peach light shining from in between the tree branches. Walking down the middle of the road with a big white blanket covering my body, I thought about everything. Everything that I had experienced, everything that I had learned, everything that I had accomplished. Everyone that I had loved, everyone that I had given myself to, everyone that had given me a part of themselves in return. To my left, was the first sunrise of the New Year. To my right, the last moon of 2007 was still visible in the sky. And so we just walked until we saw fit to stop. Six-thirty A.M. and I threw my blanket down onto the grass, layed down, and just stared. Above me was nothing but a gray void. No clouds, no stars. Just gray. They all laughed when I said that if you stare hard enough, it seems as if the only thing in the entire world is the gray and it's just bearing down on you. But they came over and we all layed down on the tiny blanket, arms and legs overlapping each other, and stared. The sun had almost completely risen. I could see it as I looked ahead. When I turned around, the moon was still behind me, slowly fading into the blues and purples that remained from the night that we will always remember. On the walk back, I prayed. I prayed for the future and I prayed for the past. I prayed for us. I prayed for them. I prayed for myself. I prayed for strength, grace, faith, peace, and happiness. I prayed for the ability to find beauty in all things. I prayed for inspiration and enlightenment. I prayed for adventures to be around every corner. I prayed for you. I prayed for the world. And when I looked, the moon had disappeared and all that I could see for miles was the brightness of the sun. Before I opened the door to her house, I prayed for one more thing-- to be open to life, love and all of those things in between. I have 365 days in front of me.

This is only the beginning.